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The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part Two

“The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn- Part 2” (2012)
Directed by Bill Condon
Starring Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner
Running Time 115 Minutes, Rated PG-13
1 Mitch’s out of 5
Mitch Hansch/movieswithmitch.com

And the angels sang.  It’s over, it’s finally over, and that’s the best thing I can say about the saga that is Twilight.  
I once heard Roger Ebert go off about how he didn’t like the Star Trek films.  How he couldn’t hear one more thing about warp power or deflector fields and other Trekkie verbiage.  As a huge Star Trek fan, I couldn’t understand what he was talking about, watching every film in the series and just plain not getting the splendor that I was able to find in this wildly huge and successful franchise.  

I now understand where Ebert was coming from. The Twilight movies are a billion dollar product that most every young person without a “y” chromosome knows the love triangle with Bella, Edward, and Jake, and it makes me sick to my stomach.  I despise these movies. I’ve watched them all, and I can never take that back. Much like the Phoenix, I shall rise from the ashes, and I will be a better person from it.  As the credits rolled a great joy washed over me, ecstatic bliss like the Ewoks dancing at the end of Return of the Jedi.

I try to come to every movie objectively.  I went into the final Twilight film hearing it was the best one yet. That’s like saying you lucked out with Kim Jong-il replacing Hitler as your college roommate.  If Breaking Dawn Part 2 was the best of the sorry bunch, then I don’t care cause it was also extremely awful.  

Here’s the quick version.  Bella and Edward are happily married with their half human and half vamp daughter Renesmee who happens to age at the Progeria disorder rate of Robin Williams’ “Jack”.  Also, Jacob is imprinted to the very young, like baby young, Renesmee, which means at some point they’ll romantically end up together.  How is this a good idea?!!!  Sick, dude, just sick.

Whatever, so the vamp police known as the Volturi, lead by Michael Sheen’s elder vamp, think Bella and Edward have turned a young child into a bloodsucker which is an unholy crime.  A squareoff between the two factions comes in the finale.  I actually thought the end fight scene wasn’t half terrible until they of course wussed out.

I hated this movie.  It’s was the worst kind of soap opera with its elongated smoldering looks.  I hated that this movie made so much friggin money but they couldn’t get decent CGI, and the fact the CGI they did use was to give the true loves baby freaky expressions.  

I hated this series.  Goodbye Twilight, now leave me alone.

Matthew 24:13

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Reader Comments (2)

A fair and balanced review. As someone who has seen every single one, but is not a fan, I find this to be the absolute worst of the entire series. Although Breaking Dawn Part 1 is close. At least it's finally over.

November 20, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMark

Amen Mark! Preach it!

November 20, 2012 | Registered CommenterMitch

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